Wedding guest list etiquette
Plus-ones, children, colleagues and evening guests: how to decide, and how to say it kindly.
There are no rules you have to follow, only choices you have to make consistently. The kindest guest list is one with clear rules, applied the same way to everyone, and written down where guests will see them.
Start with the rules, then the names
Agree three or four rules before you write a single name: who gets a plus-one, whether children are invited, whether colleagues come, and who is invited for the whole day. Then apply them. When someone asks "why wasn't X invited?", "we kept it to family and close friends for the day" is an answer; "we ran out of room" invites a negotiation.
Plus-ones
A common approach: partners in established relationships are invited by name; single guests get a plus-one only if they won't know anyone else. Whatever you decide, put the names on the invitation, so the invitation itself says who is invited.
Children
An adults-only wedding is a normal choice. If you choose it, apply it to everyone (exceptions for your own family's children are usually understood if you say so), say it plainly and early, and give parents time to arrange childcare. If children are invited, think about their meals and seats; many venues price children's meals differently.
Day and evening guests
Most UK weddings invite some guests for the whole day and others for the evening, which is the main way couples manage numbers and cost. Evening guests are guests too: give them a proper welcome, a clear arrival time and evening food. See our day and evening guests guide for building the two lists.
Colleagues, exes and parents' friends
Colleagues: invite the ones you see outside work, or none. Exes: only if you're both comfortable and your partner is too. Parents' friends: if parents are contributing, agree a number for them early rather than name by name.
Saying it kindly
- Name everyone invited on the invitation and on the RSVP.
- Put your rules in a short FAQ on your wedding website or invitation insert.
- If someone asks to bring a guest, a warm "we'd love to, but we've had to keep numbers to the names on the invitations" is enough.
Questions
Do I have to give every guest a plus-one?
No. Many couples invite established partners by name and give single guests a plus-one only if they won't know anyone. Name everyone who is invited on the invitation.
Is it rude to have an adults-only wedding?
No, it's a common choice. Say so clearly and early, apply it consistently, and give parents time to arrange childcare.
Plan it all in one shared place
Our Notion planners are made for UK weddings: budget in pounds, day and evening guests, notice of marriage and a timeline that dates itself from your wedding day.
See the Guest List & RSVPTry the free Lite